Today has been a difficult day. I'm not really sure why. I have felt out of sorts all day.
Next Thursday, just 7 days away, we will have our home study. I am scared and excited, but in truth, mostly scared. I worry about how we will do. This really makes no sense because we have been thru this part of adoption before. We were approved to adopt by the state and I don't see any reason why we would not be approved for an international adoption. I'm still scared.
The main thing my mind keeps going to is asking myself, "Am I following the path God wants me to?" I don't know for sure. I have always believed strongly that Rey and I would parent more children, but is this the right route? Every little bump we hit, I have a crisis of faith. (I say bump because they are speed bumps, not road blocks. We have easily gotten over them by slowing down a bit.)
I feel like I have lost my connection to God. Or, at the very least, have lots of static on the line. This is all so new to me. I know it is right to love the widow and orphan, but is He really calling us to adopt? Some days I can absolutely, without question say YES! Other days I'm not so sure.
Family and friends would you pray for my peace with this decision? I know God is in control of everything and all will work for His good. I just don't know if I can spend 4 more years waiting for an adoption that never happens.
Blessings to everyone.
3 comments:
Praying for you, friend!
Praying for you! Perhaps it would be beneficial to seek out online adoption communities, if you haven't done do already. It might be uplifting to read stories from other parents who have been in your shoes. Babycenter.com has community boards, including those that are for adoptive parents. God bless you!
Thanks Martha and Mindy!
I am on a board thru our agency and have reached out to a couple of other adoptive parents. They have been a blessing to me. So, I will keep plugging on. Thanks for all your prayers and advice. You are a sweet friend.
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