God must be up to something....

I think God must be up to something.  He has to be.  With all the crap being piled on our family right now, I know God has to be working on the good that will come from it.  I know I am whining.  But it's all I have left right now.  I am so lacking in faith at the moment that I can't pray.  I am just a puddle of mush.

We have never, I mean NEVER, had to choose between paying for medicine or paying for food, paying bills or paying adoption fees.  We have been fairly frugal in our expenses lately trying to make sure we have just enough for all that must be paid.  This week we failed.

Talia and I got sick.  We have not had a fever or "felt bad", we just had a little cough and runny nose.  I decided to get Talia checked out on Saturday.  We were told she has the flu and most likely I do as well.  Our pediatrician sent in a prescription for Talia, myself and Max.  The meds should shorten the flu for Talia and I.  Max is taking them as prevention. (Rey had the flu shot at work.)  All of the meds took our entire grocery budget!  We are now cutting back even more, putting more costs on nearly maxed out credit cards (we've used them for adoption expenses) and asking family for help.

On top of the sickness, our cars both need new tires as they are almost bald.  Rey's car needs to be looked at because the check engine light is on AGAIN.  Our roof and siding is in need of repair from the big wind and rain storm.  Max's birthday is coming up and I think he will have to be okay with just family this year because we can't afford a proper birthday party.  We also know that with our tax return we can pay 75% of our adoption fees, however, we have no money to travel with.  We also have new document requirements that will be extra fees for us.

Our fundraising is going no where.  We have amazing friends helping us in any way they can, but don't know if it will be enough.  Our blog, GoFundMe page, and any other fundraising avenues are not finding many contributors.  Believe me, we know that times are tough for some.  But, we know that it is biblical to ask for help on your God given journey.  We know that God is taking care of the orphans, but we are called to partner with Him for very tangible help.

In the past few days I have found myself wondering what I did to my family.  We are struggling right now.  We've always been able to pay our way and take care of things.  Since beginning the adoption process we are barely living paycheck to paycheck.  I wonder if the kids understand we might not have a lot now, but having Liam home will be worth it.  I wonder if Rey regrets choosing Liam over our comfortable lifestyle.  Somedays, I wonder if I regret our choice?

This is hard!  I know the Lord has sent us down this path to Liam.  I know He will provide.  I also know that I am not patient.  I feel left out to sea, alone, and barely treading water.  Whatever good is coming, I hope it comes quickly. 

Please pray for us!